30 agosto 2005

Just a couple more days

So it's Tuesday. I'm starting to get a little nervous. Well, more than a little. Like a lot of nervous. Tomorrow is my day off and my final doctor appointment before the big day. I'm scheduled to work one more day, Thursday, and then it's baby time.

I don't remember feeling this nervous when I was pregnant with Enzo. Sure I was worried about labour (will it hurt? how much will it hurt?) and becoming a parent (will I be able to care for a baby? am I going down in history as the World's Worst Mother?) but those were generalised fears. I had a due date, but knew that I could really go into labour at any time and was really kind of excited and enjoying the anticipation of it all.

This time around, I have a definite end date. And I think that's good in some ways, bad in others. Good in that I have a date to plan for, to get everything ready, to make sure that I'm showered, wearing clean underwear and generally presentable. Bad in that I have a date to plan for and am driving myself crazy wondering if everything is ready, feeling as if I don't have enough time left to do it all before the baby comes.

So I have tonight, Wednesday, and Thursday and then we'll be four. And the reality of it all has finally really hit me and I am freaking out.