Terrified

We're at the point now where there's less than 3 months until baby #2. And I am scared out of my wits about the whole affair.

Part of what I'm worried about is the actual delivery. I remember when I had Enzo and couldn't lift anything heavier than him for a week after my c-section. I'm planning on another c-section this time, but the difference is that I now have a toddler who loves to be held by his mommy. This could be interesting for a while.

The other thing I'm worried about is the monetary side. We still have Enzo's crib, bassinette, clothes, and toys. We'll need a new mattress for the crib and other odds and ends. At this point, I don't see how we'll be able to afford all this. Plus the fact that when I go back to work, daycare will be more than twice what it is now. I just can't stomach $800 a month for daycare. I may have to quit or find a different daycare provider that's not so expensive.

I'm also wishing now that Julian had a driver's license. It's nice to have someone else in the family who can drive.

I think every bad scenario imaginable is running through my head lately, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep. I would just like an uneventful pregnancy, one where my husband is employed full-time throughout and I'm not freaking out about money. With Enzo, he had just received his work authorisation in the US when I was about 3 months pregnant. And this time, at about the same point into the pregnancy, he loses his job. Bleh.

It's the money more than anything that worries me now. The other things I can get around. I'm sitting here now with a little more than $100 to my name for the next two weeks and have a phone bill to pay, rent to pay, daycare to pay, and I need gas for the car. What's killing us now is the garnishment of my wages. We've survived okay on just my salary. We did it for years. I didn't really fight the garnishment when I first learned of it, because at that time, Julian was still employed and his salary would have more than covered the amount of the garnishment. So he loses his job on a Monday back in April and then at the end of that week I get the letter from my employer that the garnishment will start with my next paycheck. What timing!

I've been thinking about filing bankruptcy for a while, but didn't consider myself to be in a bad enough financial position to do it. At this point, it looks like a pretty good option. My credit is already screwed up, so it's not as if I'm going to ruin my credit by filing. I got a letter from a local attorney to come in for a free consultation, and I think I'm going to go. I'd rather file bankruptcy and get this weight off me than get evicted for not being able to pay my rent.