Random thoughts

I was just thinking about this and needed to share. I was thinking about my family and how generally unaccepting they've been of my husband. And how sad that makes me.

Some families are large and are "melting pots" of sorts with spouses from other cultures welcomed in. My family is not one of these. Just in my immediate family...there's my mom, who's been the most accomodating, my step-dad who is relatively okay with things, and then my sister and brother-in-law who seem to be the ones most vehemently opposed to things.

Just to give a little background, I grew up in a smallish community just outside the city limits. My family moved there when I was about 2 and my mom and step-dad still live in that same house. My sister married a guy who's from the same community. There's not a whole lot of ethnic diversity in that area. Mostly white, with some pronounced redneck tendencies. I didn't fit in really well there.

And when I told my family that I wanted to marry Julian, my mom and step-dad were okay with it. My sister insisted on calling a family meeting. It was like my whole family ganged up on me. And my sister didn't even really know Julian at that point. She was assuming the worst since he wasn't from our little neighbourhood or even our country. I'm sure she meant well and was honestly concerned about my wellbeing. But it was hurtful to me to have my own sister telling me that my soon-to-be-husband was only using me to get to the United States. And if that wasn't enough, then to say that if we had children, that they wouldn't be white. What difference does it make? And you, readers, have seen our son. Does he look non-white to you? He has blonde hair and blue eyes. Stupid.

And then at Easter, I told them about our plans to move to Argentina. And again...the drama unfolds. The accusations fly. My brother-in-law made a big point of asking everyone whether they thought it was a good idea and then emphatically stating that he didn't think it was. My sister asked me if Julian was making me do it. And when I tried to explain that I was actually the one who wanted to move, it was like she didn't hear me. Or maybe she didn't want to hear me. I've never intruded on their lives or their decisions. I didn't feel it was my place. If I was asked about something, I offered my opinion. But I never made a big scene at a family gathering about something that they were doing as a family that didn't directly affect me.

Perhaps I should have expected more prejudice and stereotyping when I married an Argentine. Since he's a "furriner" and all, you know. But I honestly didn't see Julian as the enemy or something to be feared. He was, simply put, the man I loved. And still love. I saw him as someone I could talk to, someone whose philosophies were similar to mine, someone I could see myself growing old with, and this may be such a cliché, but I really feel like I found my soulmate when I found him. Sure, the fact that he was in a different city, in a different country, on a different continent was a bit of an obstacle. But I just knew that I had to be with him. I wouldn't be happy otherwise. It makes me sad that I haven't been able to show that to my family. They had their preconceived notions of what he would be. Unfortunately, his problems with finding and keeping employment haven't exactly endeared him to my family.

He has said all along that he didn't feel welcomed by my family with the exception of my mother. And I tried to justify things for years, saying that they'd come around eventually. But it's been 6 years now and I'm now seeing that he's been right all along. I hate the way I'm feeling now. He said that my family my sister doesn't want to help us because of him. And maybe he's right. I just hate being stuck in the middle.